The Dangers of Context
by cherryjamontoast
Summary: While alone in his shop, Urahara is randomly inspired by a certain Johnny Depp movie to serenade his zanpakuto, Benihime. Unfortunately, he is not alone for long and a hilariously awkward misunderstanding occours. Slightly crack. rated for language.


**Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach, Sweeney Todd or Johnny Depp… The song is called "My Friends" and it is sung in the musical Sweeney Todd. In the song, Sweeney sings to his razors, reveling in the revenge he has planned for those who wronged him.**

Kisuke Urahara poked his head out of his room and uttered a small, contemplative, 'huh'. His shop was completely void of anyone else except him. Tessai was out on his day off and the moocher, Renji, was elsewhere with Rukia Kuchiki. Yoruichi had not been around for quite some time. That just left him, Jinta and Ururu at the shop but being fidgety kids; the siblings had wandered outside to relieve their boredom before he could assign tasks to keep them busy.

The sound of the television downstairs blasted and Urahara mumbled about how some could say that television could raise some children when his had failed to occupy the two kids that worked in the shop for no more than twenty minutes. He shuffled his way into the room and before turning off the television, watched a few minutes of the movie that was playing.

"At last!" Johnny Depp from the television said with conviction as he raised a razor to the light. The line made Kisuke turn to the screen as the actor continued in a soft, brooding and husky voice. "My arm is complete again!"

The camera zoomed out, playing the dark and severely minor key reprise of the title song and Urahara scratched his striped hat covered head. "Talk about walking in at the wrong moment…" curiosity over took him as he mumbled and began to rewind the dvd to understand the context of that one line.

As he silently watched the song unfold, Urahara had a spontaneous idea. He was never one for musicals but the movie was fairly entertaining. Looking around to make sure he was truly alone, Urahara rewound the movie to the beginning of the scene again and extended his cane in the air. In one fluid motion, he unsheathed Benihime and allowed the light catch the metal.

Despite the fact that she would be adverse to be woken for such a trivial gesture, Kisuke awakened his zanpakuto and began to sing with some revisions in a baritone vibrato along with Johnny Depp.

"You are my friend.

See how you glisten.

See this one shine...

How she smiles in the light.  
My friend.  
My faithful friend...  
Speak to me friend.  
Whisper...  
I'll listen." Urahara held his zanpakuto to his ear for dramatic effect and could almost hear Benihime snarling in protest but despite that the 'mere, humble shopkeeper' continued,  
"I know, I know you've been locked  
out of sight  
all these years, like me  
My friend...  
well I've come home to find you waiting.  
Home, and we're together!  
And we'll do wonders.  
Won't we?  
You there, my friend?"

From the television, the creepy looking actress who played opposite Depp began to sing softly,

"I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd  
If you only knew, Mr. Todd  
Ooh, Mr. Todd  
You're warm in my hand.  
You've come home!  
Always had a fondness for you, I did."

He continued in a softer tone as the actress sang in tandem and Urahara's hand caressed the blade, vaguely aware of the sexual connotations in the lyrics. "Come let me hold you.  
Now, with a sigh, you grow warm in my hand.  
My friend!  
My clever friend..." He did not notice Ichigo, Orihime, Ishida and Chad walk in to the shop, no doubt for guidance on some sort of spiritual-hollow-like mystery. The group stood in the threshold, too shocked and confused to make their presence known.

Urahara continued to sing oblivious to his audience. "Rest now, my friends.  
Soon, I'll unfold you.  
Soon you'll know splendors  
You never have dreamed  
all you days,  
my lucky friends  
'Til now your shine was merely silver.  
Friends, you shall drip rubies, you'll soon drip precious rubies..." Kisuke let his voice trail off and then spoke in a slightly more manic voice than Depp, "At last! My arm is complete again!" He held his pose and raised a finger to Benihime, about to launch into another song.

"Mr. Urahara, I didn't know your arm was injured!" Orihime cut in with genuine concern, oblivious to how red Ichigo's face became at the rather sexual connotations the lyrics had when taken out of context.

Urahara turned, zanpakuto still in the air and looked at the four with mild surprise. The orange hair boy's red face clashed with his hair as he sputtered in an attempt to vocalize his shock and the uncomfortable feeling of knowing a little too much information.

Chad seemed unaffected by walking in on the scene and after an understanding grunt admitted unexpectedly, "I can see why though."

Orihime cocked her head to the side, not quite sure what Chad meant by that. At her inquisitive, "Huh?" Ichigo turned an even more impossible shade of red at the prospect that someone might have to explain to Inoue that Chad was referring to masturbation. Ishida, equally as uncomfortable over the entire affair, began to usher Orihime out of the shop as if the subject would be dropped if they just left. "Let's just come back later…"

Left alone again, Urahara shrugged and turned to the television, Benihime still raised in the air, intent on singing the next song too.

**A/N: So hooray for the one shot. Ended a little awkward but there was really no other way to finish it. There might have been a little OOCness but it IS 1 am so I'll forgive myself. Love the musical, love the movie. I always wondered though what would happen if Sweeny's razors replied to him during this song and that kind of morphed into this….hope you enjoyed it!**


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